Alas, dear Friends, if you have seen my previous post on the rise and fall of the Hair Weasel (http://www.the3dstudio.com/blog_detail.aspx?id=1196), I have more sad news to impart. The "upgraded" beaded weasel I referred to exploded in a shower of CLEAR beads not too long after it was pressed into service. (Okay, seriously--did any of you read between the lines on that post and get that I wasn't really just talking about a hair accessory? What, too subtle?) Anyway, the upgrade lasted even less time than the first one. Another one bites the dust, all that glitters is not...rhinestone...insert your own cliché. It was a weird summer to say the least, and I wish I had my $9.99 back.

 

But, enough with the DaVinci Code posts. I promise you, this post really is just about my search for the perfect hair accessories.

 

Halloween is coming up, and I borrowed a "slightly slutty" Alice in Wonderland costume from my BFF's college-age daughter. Oh, quit making that face--it fits and it was free! I admit it looks more like Alice in Cougartown or a cigarette girl/cocktail waitress from the Rat Pack years, so I'm going with that. The little hearts, spades, clubs, and diamonds on the polyester apron qualify it to be cheesy Vegas. But I need big, bad 1960's hair to go with it--a French twist on steroids.

 

I first tried a combination of these items. I'm sorry to say they were of no use.

 

 

The "Hair Poufs"--mounds of...whatever...covered with fake hair on wicked little metal combs--were impossible to keep in line and ended up resembling randomly placed hair turds. The "French Twister" was even worse. ("Oh, la-la, right hand rouge!" Sorry, sorry...must focus...) One needs two friends and a prehensile tail to get that plastic and elastic to look fantastic. So, back to the store they went, and yes, my friends, I was then drawn to yet another As Seen On TV! display and purchased The Bumpits for, you guessed it, $9.99. I didn't include a photo, because you can't walk into any CVS pharmacy, Wal-Mart, or Target without getting assaulted by The Bumpits display. (What a horrible name. I don't know the image you get when you see that name, but I'm thinking of grizzled old guys in a rail yard, eating beans from a tin can. And sweating.)

 

There are three in the package: large, medium, and then a really tiny one. I'm not sure what baby Bumpit is for. Maybe 1980's bangs. Anyway, I chose to use the biggest Bumpit at the crown for a full Winehouse effect. I did a trial run to see if I could get a Bumpit to stay in my hair. Yes...and no. There is still a lot of hairspray, teasing, hairspray, pinning, hairspray, baked beans, and spam needed to keep this thing in. Since I am going to a dance and need the security, and the Bumpits are hard plastic frames, I put some of my hair through it and pinned that hair down to my head to secure it before flopping the ratted top layer over it. I wound up the back in a traditional French Twist, tucked the end up under the Bumpitted area, and sprayed everything, including my lungs, to death.

 

Here's kind of what it will look like on Saturday. Bear in mind this was done fast, just to get an idea. I wanted to see what it really looked like, so I took a photo of the back of my head.

 

 

Yeah, I know, underwhelming, isn't it? But I promise it will be ratted to the rafters on Halloween. Want to know how I took the photo? Read the next post...